Vinyl Scratch, private investigator and Equestria's most famous DJ. Tonight, she was heading home from a successful bang at the club. She was a bit tipsy from hitting the bar a few too many times, but the white unicorn knows how to handle her liquor. It didn't take long before she stumbled into the doorway of the Investigative Bureau of Equestrian Crime, it's a work in progress, and collapsed on the well used couch. She was out before her head could find a comfortable position.
***
"Vinyl."
A hoof poked up from the couch and made a shooing motion.
"You're not a teenager anymore, Vinyl."
The hoof made an angry gesture.
"Yes, I understand that, Vinyl, but you're needed."
The hoof flipped to the side.
"Yes, Vinyl." There was a sigh.
The unicorn popped off the couch with a large grin, somehow her glasses fell off during the night. Another case, about time too. In the corner was Princess Celestia with an amused smile with a hint of impatience. No matter, Vinyl used her magic to grab a slice of pizza from the fridge and stuck it in her mouth and stood to attention.
"Masterfully done." Her boss said dryly. The relationship between the two has always been weird, maybe even sacrilegious from an outside viewer, but it works.
Vinyl chewed thoughtfully as she inspected the Princess's expression and tone. Sometimes she would play this little game, trying to figure out what the diarch would say before she would say it. After a split moment, she gave up and instead did a questioning shrug.
"It appears there was a murder at Thatcher Manor, miss Melody was playing there when it happened. She has called fro your assistance." Celestia said with all the practice of living a thousand years, but Vinyl could see the lips twitching upwards.
She decided to play along and raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, Vinyl. I know how it looks." There! Vinyl's ear twitched at a sudden but restrained noise in the back of Celestia's throat. She couldn't help but grin at that. "Oh, stop that Vinyl."
The unicorn in question just grinned even more and wiggled her eyebrows. The Princess just sighed before releasing an unrestrained giggle. Then before they knew it, the two were in hysterics. Vinyl was laughing so hard that her pizza slice flew to the other side of the room, nearly landing in the trash can.
"V...Vinyl, please..." Celestia wheezed out, her pristine white coat reddened. "Please, no more!"
There was a note of pleading and Vinyl decided that enough grief was caused towards Octavia Melody, Vinyl's partner in crime and crime busting. She calmed down enough and waited for her boss to recover, which she did remarkably fast.
"Right, miss Melody requires your presence and assistance. Whenever you need me, just write a letter. I'll help anyway I can, now if you'll excuse me." Vinyl nodded and stepped to the side, allowing for the diarch to get back to her duties.
Vinyl sighed silently and looked around for her slice. She gasped inaudibly to find it sticking to a wall and fell to her knees and cried out with genuine grief. The pizza slice never deserved this fate! Why, cruel world, must you ruin such a delicious slice.
***
Vinyl Scratch got off the train, a large grin on her face, her mane restyled, her glasses freshly reacquired, and her headphones placed squarely on her ears. Octavia Melody, her partner and equal, stood at the station wearing an unamused expression. Vinyl spread open her forelegs wide with a slight deviation to her smile.
"Yes Vinyl, it's good to see you to. Now come on, we've got work to do." The gray mare turned around on a dime and started trotting. Fast. The unicorn had to canter a little to catch up. The two walked together for a while before she started waving her left hoof in a complicated manner.
"Right, so I was playing music when lightning struck nearby, causing the lights to go out. When the lights came back on, there was poor Poof, dead on the carpet with a knife in his chest. Truly, he did not deserve such a death." Octavia finished her not so long tale with a sad shake of her head. Vinyl filed some of the clues away and then pointed out the obvious.
"Yes, his name is Poof. Poof Matcher in full." Octavia paused and saw the detective on the ground. "Oh, grow up Vinyl. He just died! Show some respect."
Vinyl heard some tension in her voice so with some incredible restraint, she wiped away the tears of mirth and forced her smile into more of a muted grimace. The unicorn nodded her head in an apologetic manner and motioned with her hoof for Octavia to continue.
"Thank you. I was playing there because Roof Thatcher and Pizza Margherita were hosting a party with their closest friends, and some friends they are, and they wanted a professional." The earth pony coughed when she said that and glanced at Vinyl. The unicorn in turn rolled her eyes, but her glasses hid that. "It was after dinner, when everypony was gossiping about the latest trends and whether or not Shining Armor was worthy to be a prince. Bullocks if you ask me." Octavia straightened her tie with a certain scowl she reserves for snobby socialites. "When lightning hit the first time and the lights went off, Thatcher calmed down everypony saying that this was normal. The lights will return after a few moments, and what he said was so. Lord Branded, I think that's his name, clarified in a curious tone that when lightning strikes, the lights turned off. Thatcher confirmed, and he hummed thoughtfully."
Vinyl shrugged and did a wiggle.
"Yes, he would be the most obvious suspect, wouldn't he? Anyway, after the second flash revealing dead Poof, Branded announced that it was the Butler. Thatcher and Margherita started yelling, other ponies started screaming and yelling. That was when I did my special note." Vinyl winced, knowing exactly how effective that was. Never mess around when Octavia has her cello nearby. "When everypony calmed down, I took charge. Called the royal guard and put them all on house arrest. Then I called Princess Celestia to fetch you."
Vinyl smirked slightly and told a story with her hooves. Then she broke down laughing in silence. The longer it went, the more flustered Octavia got.
"YES, I KNOW! The irony is not lost on me!" The gray mare huffed and stomped up the hill towards the house. Vinyl tried to keep up but couldn't because of how hard she was laughing.
***
"Alright, this is Detective Vinyl Scratch and I'm Detective Octavia Melody, we're here to solve the murder of your son, Poof Matcher." Through the help of the royal guards, they were able to round up everypony in a single room. This was where Vinyl was finally able to see what she was working with.
The ones Octavia called Thatcher and Margherita were an odd couple. Roof Thatcher looked like your average Pony Joe on his way to work. He had a boring brown coat, a simple darker brown mane and tail, and his cutie mark was thatching tools. Nothing about him screamed 'RICH' or 'SPECIAL.' It made Vinyl wonder how he got his fortune.
Pizza Margherita, the wife. Compared to her husband, Margherita was downright exotic. She was taller, had narrow and stern green eyes, a warm yellow coat complimented with a vibrant red mane and tail. Her cutie mark was a cheesy pizza slice adorned with a tomato slice. She kept her mane in a tight bun and spoke with an Itailanese accent.
Despite what the stories would lead you to believe about rich couples, these two seem as thick as thieves. Another curious story Vinyl couldn't help but wonder about. That as well as the fact that they don't seem all that sad about their son's untimely passing. Vinyl tapped a hoof on her chin.
"Yes yes, we know who you two are. Legendary musicians of Canterlot. But what I'm curious about, very curious, is that you claim to be detectives." A stallion in the back said haughtily. Vinyl immediately disliked him, he was everything Vinyl hated about the Canterlot elites. According to Octavia and some angry mumbles from Celestia, he was the crippled Duke Embezzle. The long lost son of Archduke Archduke and Archduchess Archduchess. Those three are scum of Equestria, playing on poor ponies and pulled no punches when they they catch a scent of money.
"Believe it or not, Embezzle."
"That's Duke to you."
Octavia sniffed. "Duke...Embezzle, and the rest of you, the two of us have been chosen by Princess Celestia herself. Would you think it wise to question that? I have a direct connection to her in case of emergencies, perhaps I should use it."
"Oh no no, let's not be hasty." Lord Branded. The more sensible of the bunch, although, not by much. He was also a nuisance to the diarchs, as he Co-owned the terrible but unfortunately, legitimate, CrystalInc.. The company collects crystals and sells them, Celestia thinks said 'crystals' are fakes, but she has no evidence to back it up. It also doesn't help that the other owner is none other than Duke Embezzle.
"Then let us do our jobs and investigate the murder of Poof Matcher." Octavia's left eyebrow was twitching. Vinyl took a step back, just in case.
"Alright, if that's what it takes for you to get off our backs. But I'm telling you! It was the butler! I saw him do it!" The poor stallion looked desperate, not quite enough for Vinyl to sympathize.
"We'll decide that, not you." Octavia snapped, already at her wits end. Vinyl grinned, she supposed spending the weekend with these bratty socialites would do that to you.
The unicorn made her hooves do some complex patterns, making sure that the heated earth pony saw. After some gestures, the mare calmed down.
"Right...Vinyl is right. If you could please come into the dining hall one by one, that way we can interrogate and question about the murder effectively." Octavia turned around and stalked off, leaving a grinning white mare. Vinyl surveyed the rest of the gathered ponies, taking in which hoof they favor, how tall they are, how their breathing sounds, their expressions, their overall stance. It's been a while since Vinyl has done a whodunnit and she was excited.